Self-advocacy

Help and Be Helped

Imagine this: you’re in line waiting patiently. Just one person left in front of you! But, the people behind you aren’t as polite or patient as you. They demand attention, and at some point you have to turn around and say, “Wait a minute! I am next. You need to wait your turn!”

Whew!

Often the people grumble, but typically they know the truth. Would they have continued to wait if you hadn’t self-advocated? Maybe … maybe not. What if it was your daughter waiting in line instead of you? Hopefully she would have stood up for herself, too, but if she doesn’t know how to self-advocate, she might not have ever reached the front of the line or been helped.

Self-advocacy is an essential skill. You have to use it for yourself in day-to-day situations, and there are also special situations where you cannot allow yourself to be run over. You’re the only one who knows what you want and the help you need. By staying quiet, you might miss out. That’s not good for you or others in your life!

For example, I used to take road trips with my mama and sister before GPS. Knowing our learning styles made a HUGE difference in how we navigated. Mama knew to ask my sister to listen for sounds like trains because she was the most auditory. I was a speed reader and good about screaming “on the right” or “on the left” as a visual learner. Mama, she could and does drive like a mad woman. Each of us has our own skill set related to the way we learn and relate to the world.

Knowing how you relate to the world and learn is a part of self-advocacy. It plays into your strengths and how you will most effectively self-advocate. We would have been lost a LOT more often if my sister hadn’t been encouraged to use her ears or me my eyes!

What about choosing a seat during a meeting or in a classroom?

If you’re an auditory learner, you need to sit where you can hear well. A visual learner needs to be able to see well, and a kinesthetic learner might prefer to stand when that is possible. When you choose your seat, you’re advocating for yourself by claiming a seat that lets you gain the most information. Here’s the hard part: you might also need to speak up during the meeting or lesson. So, choose a seat where you can speak up in the way that you learn. Make sure the meeting leader can hear your questions out loud, you have easy access to draw something on the board, or you can create something with pen and paper or via charades. If your question isn’t clear, or you don’t understand the answer you receive, you’re going to need more help.

One of the important things about self-advocating is doing it effectively. That means in the right way at the right time. Recently, I wrote that the study skills/life skills I teach are closely related. I know that to speak up in a meeting can take another skill, confidence. But if it’s important, you need to advocate. If you hide behind others, it’s easy not to be heard or understood. Your voice matters.

Understand that self-advocacy doesn’t only mean that it affects you. There are others out there who do not speak up. If you speak up for what is right, others will be helped as well. By wanting the correct information or the knowledge of how to do something, self-advocacy improves your and your teen’s lives and many more.

Self-advocacy can be “Hey, it’s my turn,” and “Help me,” but it can also be “Stop! That’s not right.”

Did you know simply stating your likes and dislikes is a form of self-advocacy? When your teen didn’t help with the meal plan but then complained about what you made, he self-advocated! There is a better way and time, but he did self-advocate. Give your family and yourself the opportunity to share some input. Teach your children to politely share their likes and dislikes. It’s one of the first forms of self-advocacy.

Another form of self-advocacy is asking for help. Sometimes this one is hard. It’s not always easy to ask someone for help because we think we “should” know the answer or because we “should” be able to do it ourselves. However, when you don’t ask for help it’s easy to be stuck and miss opportunities.

My mama isn’t tall. She used to use carts and climb shelves to get high items in the grocery store. Fortunately, she wasn’t hurt. Now, she asks for help when the right tall guy walks down the aisle. Perhaps her concept of self-advocacy is a little off, but she does get the job done.

Asking for help is important. No one can know everything. Like it or not, there are some things you aren’t as good at as you might like to be or things you can’t easily change like your height. Teach your teens that asking for help is not wrong and will help them now and later. I can’t tell you how many teens have said to me they don’t want to “bother” an adult like their teacher when they need help.

Knowing how to address and ask a person in authority a question is an important skill. Asking peers how to do something is also important. Remember: people LIKE to help other people!

Finally, self-advocacy is a form of communication. By sharing what you like and don’t like, people get to know you better. By asking questions and sharing your thoughts, they get to learn how you think. Self-advocacy can lead to better communication and even unexpected friendships.

For some people, standing up for themselves can be a challenge. Overcome the fear and become the strength that lets you and your children self-advocate. Each of us has value, and each of us has the right to be heard. Speak up. Self-advocate. Ask your question.

If you don’t speak for yourself, who will?

Forever Learning,

Jessyka Coulter